Saturday, October 09, 2004
Five more days and I am officially a year older. (not that i counting anyway) Just when I thought I have become an adult (since the year of 1998), yet I am basically a kid in everybody's eyes. Not having the chances to live independently with total strangers, I found it is impossible not to get approval from my folk despite trying so hard to avoid the gestures in the first place. Have we become clear of the word independent really? Will I be guilty to continuously depending on everybody's blessing to achieve what I want in life. I can live with the saying, "Always listen to your mother" but to the point where I can't stand it anymore and to rebel is sin? till when this will go on? Should I put up to all this just because they had put up with me all my life? Thank God I was raised with faith to value life no matter what, imagine otherwise... God forbid (although thought once or twice). Regardless the limitations to explore the jungle out there extensively, I am thankful for I have lived quite an experience to at least learn the good, bad and ugly of this home land of mine... Can't wait to get out. Really.
Posted at 11:13 am by missdiana
Friday, October 08, 2004
three words to sum up life so far:
OVERPROTECTED, CONFUSED, INTENSE!
Posted at 02:47 pm by missdiana
.... spend all your time waiting.. for that second chance....
what for... to me, there's no such thing called second chance, but if the intention is to humiliate yourself totally, ok, that's an exception, a bad second chance... if you were expecting things to turn around for the good, sorry to say sister.. never existed! Hence the angry words, i had gone that path myself, it's not good news. Total embarrassment more like it. Maybe I am overreacting, then again am i not overreact to most of things in life? I did, and there's nosign of stopping there.
So, why do there is a need for second chance? Is it because you had done doing all the other things that you need to look back and redo what had done wrong? At least that what I thought I am pusuing, turned out it never a solution for all parties, once you crushed someone, there's no way to undo it. and that's it... no more aftermath solution.
Posted at 11:45 am by missdiana
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
Flirting is fun, at least used to be fun... now when it becomes a chase, the pursue had become a surreal points in my life. I can't even looked at people be it men or women straight in the eye when those are the crucial parts determining honesty. Too caught up with the fact that eye along with sweet talking can be very deceiving, I dare not make any eye contact, denying altogether the basic modus operandi in communication. Why had it becomes scary? What ghost that will continue haunting with this scare or is it anxiety? It is more intimidating when the thought of forever stopping the fun in finding true happiness, but, isn't it supposed to be in synch? happiness - forever.
Why would someone holding back to what could the highest point in life, because the agony of ended up with perverts and jerks had took control over possibility as a whole, that's why. Every moving lips despite it provides a great sense of humour had shut down opportunity altogether, because of me being frightened! Is this what they called "commitment-phobic". I once confessed this weak point of mind to somebody, and he actually said it's good, good? maybe for him being above 40 years of age. What about me? Is this the end of it? The turning point from a girl can get whatever they want to that's it, i can't change the inadequacy of a fear. So? How scary can life be?
Posted at 07:57 am by missdiana
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
distance ourselves you say?
How hard is breaking up? or the question is what is the best and most comprimising way to broke it off? and how awful can men be in breaking someone's heart? Often we heard how horrible the exprience is, but what if you were not the receiving end? How would you feel when you are the one ending it, harshly? As the statement goes, you can tell that the author is the one who usually finished up relatioinship way too soon, but for all time sake, lets get it on writing that the guilt never really vanished from my mind. Hence all the failed relationship that followed somehow try to tell me that I am being punished. You know, eventually the news spread how your changing of heart is like changing your clothes, which happened you will wear the same outfit in due course, then comes "on-and-off realtionship". Hmm... something to ponder isn't it? Things happened for a reason they say?
Know why this thing raised up? Now, look it at the men's perspective, when they did it, it always never a question, because they are being men, and "breaking one's heart" come with the territory of just born as their species. So, does breaking up really helped you learned something in life or it is just another mistakes you make when some little thing just won't go your way? Subject matter arises abruptly when someone's especially men, mentioned, "things happened for a reason"... for a good reason or just another bad excuse? How can men get away with it gracefully while women will suffer the torment for the rest of their life? So what women can just say out loud what bothers her so much and men just kept in inside until it explodes and blame it yet again on women? Or am I looking it the other way around? Why can't I just be like any other normal woman? and men just be a little bit out of the ordinary?
Posted at 10:53 am by missdiana
